SAM

I liked Ama but on her best days she was detached and on her worst days she acted selfishly. I often wondered what had happened to her to make her act the way she does. I had tried severally to get her to open up to me but she hates talking about herself, the irony is that everyone thinks she is self-centered. 

Ama is one of the most beautiful people I have seen, she carries herself with pride and nothing anyone else thinks of her matters to her. She was available for the people she loved and if you wanted someone to go to their grave with your secret, it was her. She had a bond with Sarah and I am aware that the bond is strengthened by a secret that no one else knows; nothing else can explain why she still turns up for Sarah despite her being a horrible person.

I have been in love with Ama since I got to know her, unfortunately, she made it obvious by her attitude towards me that I will never get to know all of her, I will never get to just enjoy her for her and I will be lying if I said I am not scared of what I may find out. That was why I convinced myself that we were better off as just friends.

We still kept in touch after school, she talked to me about whatever new person came into her life, and somehow, even though selfishly, I was glad she never got serious with anybody.

I always had mixed feelings towards these dinners and I never really understood why until that night. 

The first night I attended the dinner, I saw Sarah prance in with her husband in her usual show-off attitude. In case I must have forgotten to mention it, I hate Sarah and everything she is about, it felt like I was the only person that could see through her facade; the constant need to be the center of attraction, the need to be the most loved, the need to be the most noticed and the need to be better than every other person. She was a brilliant person but I always had the feeling that it was her need to be in the spotlight that fueled it.

When she came in with her husband, his face looked very familiar but I could not place where I knew him from. I told him he looked familiar but he denied ever meeting me. As much as I loved going for these dinners because I loved looking at Ama or being close to her without feeling like I was being sneaky in my marriage, I was always bothered around Sarah’s husband, which made me uneasy. I hated that I just could not place him.

That night, I noticed how uneasy Ama was, I could barely pay attention to any other thing going on in that house. I saw her walking into the bathroom an abnormal amount of times. The last time she walked in, I followed her hoping to find out what was happening but my wife came in with me. She was clingy sometimes and it irritated me.

I pretended I wanted to check on Diane and changed my mind, we went back out to join the rest. 

A few minutes after Diane came in, while I was still looking at Ama to figure out what was wrong or to at least catch her attention and maybe mouth to her asking if she was fine, I heard the scream. I don’t know what it was but it was at that moment the answer to the question that has bugged me for months came; I remembered where I knew Sarah’s husband from. 

If one thing gives me the shivers, it is seeing a dead person; it is not even a feeling I ever want to get used to. That being said, I don’t think I should be judged for how I reacted that night.